We all enter a new relationship with such excitement. Could this be “it?” Could this be the love of a lifetime? Certainly, that’s possible.
So, while you are basking in the “glory” of your new love life, it may be time to “come down to earth” and add some realistic and objective analysis. There are some red flags that might pop up that you should not ignore. If they do, you may want to think about ending it now before you are in too deep and the hurt of a break-off will be deeper. Here are seven of them.
It’s Called Love-Bombing
The goal here is to overwhelm you with attention and hook you in quickly. They will bombard you with gifts and amazing dates. You will be impressed and believe that they must be madly in love with you. Not so fast. This is typical behaviour of a narcissist. As you get used to all of this attention, they will back off, leaving you yearning and wondering. If you back away too, the love bombing will begin again. The narcissist wants it always his way and wants you under his control. It must be all about him.
They Badmouth Their Exes
If they talk badly about their exes early on, it’s another typical behaviour of a narcissist. They go on about how their former lovers were crazy or treated them badly while they did everything for them. Does this ever happen? Yes. But if your new love badmouths more than one ex and does it early on, run, don’t walk away. This is another classic sign of a narcissist.
They Become Controlling
It’s a wonderful feeling to be loved so much that your partner doesn’t want to be without you. And when you are apart, they call and message – a lot. While this can be normal behaviour very early on (after all, you are both starry-eyed), it is not normal when it becomes an attempt to control where you are, what you are doing, and who you are with. They want you to cancel plans with friends to be with them instead; they talk you out of going for happy hour after work unless they are included. They either have serious insecurity issues or they don’t trust you. No relationship can survive this kind of behaviour. If you stay, you will lose your own sense of self.
They Treat Certain Others Badly
If you observe your new love being “ignorant” to waitresses, servers, and others who have less power than them. This will often come out if they have had a bad day. But it smacks of a lack of kindness, and ultimately that lack of kindness will be turned on you too. You don’t want to be with someone who sees others as not worthy of his care and respect.
They are Negative and Judgmental
You are an outgoing person who has friends from all walks of life and who have a variety of lifestyles. Perhaps you have a friend or two who is gay. And maybe you joined a bisexual chat room with one of them just out of curiosity. Your new love, however, has a wholly negative and judgmental stand on anyone who is LGBTQ, shuns them, and is vocal about their disdain. They want you to cut off those friendships or at least don’t bring them around.
Who else and what else are they negative and judgmental about? Do they speak negatively about their boss, their co-workers, and even those they call friends publicly? It’s only a matter of time until that negativity creeps into your relationship too.
Secrets and Lies
Does your new love have security features on their phone? Do they stop texting when you come near? Do they take phone calls in other rooms or leave the table or bar stool to take them? Do you find them not always “available” and not fully open about where they have been? Chances are they have another “life” they don’t want you to know about. When a new love acts like this, you do not want to stay in this relationship. Move on before you are hurt when you uncover some of those lies and secrets.
You Feel Pressured to Loosen Your Boundaries
When love is new and exciting, couples tend to hop in bed sooner rather than later. And you may have done this. But you also have some boundaries about sex – what you are willing to engage in and what you are not. If your partner is pressuring you to engage in sexual activities you are not comfortable with and even becomes angry when you do not want to comply, you have witnessed a serious red flag. This insistence that you drop your boundaries can and will transfer to other aspects of your life. Get out now.
Are Any of These Familiar?
If you are in a new relationship and you see any of these red flags, it’s time to take stock and decide if you have really found “Mr. or Ms. Right.” You may hang around a bit just to “test the waters” a bit more, but if any of them continue or become more pronounced, your gut should be telling you to walk away. You deserve a partner who values you, who is committed to you, whom you can trust, and who respects who you are and your priorities.
Pressuring To Have Sex
When it comes to the sex conversation in the early stages of dating, telling your partner that you want to wait is perfectly fine. Many singles feel pressured to jump in the sack because they fear losing their partner’s interest. If your partner is constantly pressuring you for sex, or if they’re being overly sexual with you and not respecting your boundaries, this is definitely a red flag. If they aren’t respecting your boundaries early on, they will do the same later in the relationship.
Lack Of Boundaries
There will be times when you and your partner will not see eye to eye as a couple. However, you both have boundaries and needs as a person. If your partner doesn’t respect your boundaries, or if they’re trying to bulldoze you into changing your mind about your boundaries, it’s a major red flag that they will not meet your needs and respect them. It may be time to end the relationship.
If you notice any red flag behaviours, it may be time to end things before they cause more harm than good. The good news is that with more knowledge and self-awareness of habits, you can stop repeating these negative patterns showing up in your love life. I invite you to check out my Path to Love program, where I help singles break free from old habits and open their hearts to the relationship they truly deserve. I believe in you!